I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
