so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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