I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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