I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
