i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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