He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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