First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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