last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
