right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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