This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
