This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
