oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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