4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
