I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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