he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
