You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
