How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
