The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
