that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize