8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
