mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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