But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
