There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
