im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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