my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
