Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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