I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize