I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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