i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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