office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
