you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
