The maid of honor just puked.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize