these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
