dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
