party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
