i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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