if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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