I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
