i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize