yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My life is pants optional.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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