So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
