I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize