i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
