If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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