There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
