i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
