listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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