something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
