the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
