I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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