spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
