Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
