Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
