I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
