i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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