She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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