Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
