to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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