take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
