All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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