Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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