FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
