At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
