All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize