Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
