you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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