i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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