I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
