I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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