I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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