if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
