I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
