I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
